SOS, Two Ways, No Apologies

It has a polite name, creamed chipped beef on toast, and an impolite one that everybody actually uses. It was on mess hall menus for generations because it was cheap, filling and fast to make for a lot of people, and veterans of every branch have opinions about it. Some can't look at it. Some quietly make it at home on Sunday mornings and don't mention it to anyone.

This is for the second group. Made with a little care, it's genuinely good: salty, peppery, rich, and on the table in about fifteen minutes.

The two camps

There are two main versions, and people pick sides. The classic uses dried, thin-sliced beef, the kind sold in small jars or deli packages. That's the "chipped beef." The other uses browned ground beef in the same white gravy, which plenty of veterans remember from the chow line under the same name. Both are legitimate. Make the one you grew up on and expect someone at the table to tell you it's wrong.

The dried-beef version

Serves four, or two people who skipped lunch.

• 4 to 5 ounces dried beef
• 4 tablespoons butter
• 4 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 2 to 2½ cups whole milk
• Black pepper, more than you think
• Optional: a pinch of cayenne and a dash of Worcestershire
• Toast, biscuits or home fries to put it on

1. Tame the salt. Dried beef is very salty. Give it a quick rinse in warm water, pat it dry and chop it into bite-size pieces. Skip the rinse if you like it salty. You've been warned.
2. Make the roux. Melt the butter in a skillet over medium heat. Whisk in the flour and keep it moving for about two minutes, until it smells a little nutty. Don't let it get dark.
3. Add the milk slowly. About half a cup at a time, whisking smooth before adding more. Lumps happen when you dump it all in at once.
4. Simmer and thicken. Keep stirring until it bubbles gently and coats the back of a spoon, around five minutes. Too thick, add milk. Too thin, give it another minute or two.
5. Finish. Stir in the beef and heat it through. Season with plenty of black pepper. Taste before you even think about salt.

The ground-beef version

• 1 pound ground beef
• 3 tablespoons flour
• 2 cups milk
• Salt, black pepper and a pinch of garlic powder

1. Brown the beef in a skillet, breaking it up, until it's cooked through (160°F if you're checking). Pour off most of the fat, but leave a couple of tablespoons in the pan.
2. Add the flour. Sprinkle it over the beef and stir for a minute or two so it cooks into the fat.
3. Add the milk gradually, stirring, and simmer until thick. Season with salt, pepper and garlic powder.

That's all of it. This one is faster than the dried-beef version and a little more forgiving.

What to put it on

White toast is traditional and nobody will argue. Biscuits are an upgrade. Home fries or hash browns turn it into the kind of breakfast that requires a nap afterward. Some people swear by it over rice. A fried egg on top is never wrong.

Making it for a crowd

This is one of the easiest dishes to scale for a reunion breakfast. Make the gravy in a large, heavy pot instead of a skillet and add the milk in stages so it thickens evenly. It holds well in a slow cooker on warm as long as it stays at 140°F or above. Stir it now and then and keep some warm milk handy to loosen it as it sits. Leftovers go in the fridge within two hours.

About the name

We're not going to print it. You know it. Your kids will figure it out the first time an uncle calls it that at the table, and that's part of the tradition too.